3:25 PM
Friday, January 20, 2012
last post was like on october?
LOL.
so go ahead, ask me. What are you doing here after close to 6 months of disappearance.
well, just wanna voice out my feelings.
Recent argument with a good friend has made me feel a little down.
actually i have been feeling this way for soo long, just unspoken.
Its hard.
I can feel how i'm changing, how i'm just not as happy as i used to be, how i'm just not me.
I can see how i'm changing.
used to brush it aside saying, oh i'm just growing up. just that phase..
but i don't like this new me.
not talking much, just doing work, just keeping to myself.
i try hard everyday trying to be little happier, a little nicer but i just.. fail.
i try to make friends, i try to laugh at stupid jokes, i try to make conversations but.. (sighs)
life is hard on me. i'm at one of my lower points in life.
i hate school, i hate home and i'm really started to dread going to work.
i hate how i'm bringing all my negativity to work but i just feel so burdened.
i dont want to go work in the first place, i avoid going for extra shifts,
but if i do that where would you get manpower from.
now itself we are dying from lack of manpower.
I want to treat the new part-timers better.
i want to treat them dinner, lepak with them, have a good conversation with them
but the problem is i don't have time.
i don't have the luxury of going to supper and going home late.
i can't.
you guys can say you understand how i feel, but you won't and you can't.
cause you don't stay on the other end of singapore when your life exists on the other side.
its hard to even create time for myself.
im practically exhausted by half of the day.
i can't afford to slack off at work cause it meant making things hard for the morning people.
and i hate to burden people.
i can't afford to delay work, cause i have to catch the last train home,
and by the time i reach home , practically drained, i have to start on my many projects.
i just have too many things on my hand.
and if i have to sacrifice my own personality so that others won't suffer den so be it.
you cant have the cake and eat it too.
too many expectations of me.
im trying people. im trying.
you guys aint making things easier for me.
i cant afford a social life right now. i just cant.
i care soo much for you guys, i come down wen you need me,
even when i am soo tired to the point i feel like a mfucking old woman,
i still help out. but ofcos im not gonna be happy about it, cause im soooooo damn tired.
i wake up at 6am, reach home at 1am.
help me out here.
